I have never been good at speaking to women. I mean I can speak to them but if there is a glimmer of attraction, then I go all to pot.
Blame self esteem issues, blame confidence, blame what you will – it was all kicked out of me years ago and has never come back. However that’s alright, I do not mind…well too much anyway.
So my idea…
Women wear badges when they are out. That way if they like someone, the badge shows this in a subtle visual way and the man knows it is ok to approach. Since women are less visually pre-occupied than men, this would mean that shy men like myself, would know when they are liked. If during the conversation, the mood changed , the badge would change too. Then the conversation could be cut short with no-one left feeling rejected.
Probably would not help me too much though! It might help me break the ice….maybe!
Now I know this is not serious. It is just that finding myself at 41, single again, the thought of going out to meet people is just terrifying. I remember my previous experiences all too clearly and I have no wish to revisit them in a new setting, with the added advantage of being older. I have looked at dating sites and the need to put a picture of yourself up is just…well lets be honest here, it would not really help drive women my way would it? Plus if I did join up and got no interest, my self esteem would plummet further
(Not self pity fishing for compliments. I would not believe you anyway. This is also why if I did join a dating site, any positive contact would be treated with suspicion – yeah I am complicated!)
At the moment I could not have a relationship with anyone. It is too soon for me but I do miss the closeness that being with someone would bring. Not just sex, just the being with someone for a brief period of time. I really miss that. However since I cannot chat women up, well that is not going to happen is it?
So where does this leave me then? Well to be honest i do not know. There is a part of me that welcomes the time alone. Not that I am doing anything apart from reading and playing video-games.
Then there are the nights.
I hate the nights.
I cannot relax as my mind churns through real and imagined scenarios. Keeping me awake with replayed conversations, over-analysing each and every word. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I misread a sign? What if I never find anyone? What if I settle for someone, anyone just so I am not alone?
I really do not like the nights.