I’m pretty when I lie


I wonder what that title means to you?

It’s all about context isn’t it?

Maybe you think that I am using it to refer to me only feeling pretty when I lie to myself?  Those days when you look in the mirror and the person staring back at you is not who you want to see.  So you lie to yourself, gee your ego up a bit.  That attempt to make yourself feel better about what the world sees.  Hell if you are a regular reader of this blog, i have felt low enough many times, that I have tried that.  Never succeeded though, I am not that convincing when speaking about and to myself.

Possibly you are thinking about someone who you are attracted to being around.  Not necessarily in a sexual sense, just a good feeling when around them?  Yet they lie.  You know they lie, whether it is about their life, their fears whatever and yet that does not diminish their attraction.  they have that certain something that allows you to ignore all the bullshit and just like them.

Well today, I use that line purely because it made me smile.  I will admit that when I am feeling good, I can be a very charismatic person to be around (and if you know me at all, you will know how difficult admitting that to myself is).  In the back of my mind, the black dog is waiting.  The person I am at that moment is not the person I really am and it knows it.  It will get its turn to destroy all the confidence.  So in that case, i know I can be pretty when I lie.  However I am lying to myself, not the people around me.

At least I used to be that way.

Yes I am feeling good today.  Been feeling good for a wee while now.  it is amazing what being able to sleep can do for my mood.  I still have those slips back into darkness and they will always be there, like an addiction for my black dog.  However they will come less and less and I will always be able to deal with them, in time.  Sometimes you have to let it consume you entirely before you can rebuild.

So while I am feeling good, let me enjoy the feeling that while I may be pretty when I lie, that lie is diminishing as the reality of truth is replacing it.  Bit by bit.

The line comes from the song Pretty When You Cry by VAST (you really need to be listening to them!).  The video is a very weird, dark, unsettling thing but worth a watch.  I’m not entirely sure I like it but the song is the aces.

Click here if you want to hear the song and read the lyrics…worth it too.

 

Now the context bit for my post title.

the full line is “I didn’t really love you baby but I’m pretty when I lie”

 

Make of that what you will

 

Right back to the manics soon….promise!

 

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