I want to reach my hand into the dark and feel what reaches back

Well that was the weekend Darkness fans.  I hope yours was good?

I must apologise to long time readers for the following post.  I have written about this before (and most probably used the same post title at some point) but this is a little trip down memory lane and I want you to come along for the ride.  Think of this post as a remix.

Still here?

Good then I will begin.

Many years ago, when I was just starting to accept my Goth side, I went to a club in Aberdeen called Moshulu.  Had never been there before but it had been recommended to me and when I saw that they were having a Fetish night, I decided to pay it a visit.  So one a cold wet sunday night, my mate and I turned up.

I did not know what to expect.  My knowledge of the fetish scene in Aberdeen and beyond was very limited at that time.  So out of curiousity I went.  We had arrived early, so the club was very empty.  Grabbing drinks, we sat near the dancefloor and just people watched.  Not in a judgemental way, more a strange interest.

The DJ was playing some very loud metal music.  Not my cup of tea but it did help set the tone.  The second track kicked in as heavy as the first and I started too get into the zone.  The place was slowly filling up and it was feeling very right.

Then the third track started.  A soft, sexy voice started to talk while a synth was lightly in the background.  It sounded amazing.  Then the drums kicked in and the talking continued.  The words were like a manifesto of dark desire.  Phrases peppered around that conjured up the most vivid of images.  I had never heard anything this good before.  The closest I can think of is Madonnas “Justify my love” but this was better.  Sexy and scary and oh so beautiful.  I had to know what it was, so I went to the DJ booth and (eventually) managed to find out the name of the track.  This was back in the day before smartphones and I had to remember the three words the DJ had spoke to me.

Want by Recoil

I went home later that night having felt like somehow I had managed to end up in the nightclub from the Crow movie.  It was a place where i actually felt accepted.  Many more times did I return there for the normal music nights.  Each and every time I felt at home.  It was a rock club but was full of all types of people. 

Closed now, replaced a couple of times by clubs that just…well just are not for me.  The most recent version decided to have a Moshulu night one friday and a group of friends went along after watching Dredd.  It was horrible.  The owners had obviously never actually been to Moshulu and thought that by having read a few things, they could recreate the atmosphere.  It could never have worked, people and music had moved on and yet there was a small part of me that really wanted to believe that the club I loved, would have managed to come back to life.  Standing there in a club surrounded by students who think it is alternative to wear slogan t-shirts but not have the attitude or belief to back them up, a little part of me died.  I have never been back.

The day after the fetish night, I bought the album “Liquid” and could not believe how good the whole thing held together.  A definite mix of music styles with parts that remind me of “Play” by Moby (despite this coming out earlier) but there are a few dark tracks on it and they are my favourite.

The song itself could have so many different meanings and it will depend on your own taste and mind.  However it is a song has never left whatever music device I have at the time.  I could tell you what it means to me but if you know me at all, you don’t need me to.

Here is a video with the lyrics to the song.  I recommend this version just so that you can see the mmastery and seeming randomness of them.  One day I will make my own music video for this.  It will be dark, sexy and very, very me.  If it turns out well, I may even show it to you.


Goodnight Darklings




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